Wake up. Remove sleeping infant from nipple. Get screaming toddler from crib. Place toddler in high chair. Find something edible for toddler that he won’t choke on while running back to get infant. Place in infant in swing. Rinse crusty milk from toddler’s straw cup from the night before. Hide cup from toddler to avoid incessant, tear filled requests for mi mi. Clean banana and snot from toddler’s face, hands, sleeves, feet, back, butt, arm pits…… Place toddler on the ground. Immediately pick toddler back up to stop the screeching coming from his mouth. Give toddler the blasted straw cup with precious mi mi inside. Set toddler down. Run to pick up fussy infant and place back on nipple. Try to keep infant on nipple while scraping foreign object from inside toddler’s mouth. Smell the funk lingering from toddler’s diaper. Put infant down and push paci inside her lips for the twentieth time to no avail. Listen to infant scream while changing the flailing toddler. Sit down on couch with bowl of cereal. Try to eat cereal while toddler and infant cry simultaneously. Is it nap time yet? Look at clock. 8:39a.m. Cry.
Can I get a “I feel ya girl” from the mama’s of more than one little. From any mama? From the mailman? Anybody? Oh that’s right it’s just me and these two kids in this house again for the umpteenth day in a row. You have to get out more you say. Oh I did. Today I tried to go to Target. We needed wipes. I also thought it would just be nice to cruise the aisles in the air conditioning. You know, change of scenery.
I nursed the little one and loaded her into the car seat. Told the big one, who at the time was inside his toy box, to come on we were going bye bye. Suddenly upon this announcement he forgets how to get out of said toy box and begins to cry from the other room. I sling on the diaper bag, place the cry baby on my hip and somehow manage to pick up the car seat with the baby in it. I maneuver my way out of the front and screen doors and down the steps to the car, already sweating. I set the carrier down, adjust the shade, push the paci back in, and finally get around to crank the car. I open the door and pop the car seat in. I then walk around to put the big one into the flaming hot car seat all while trying not to burn him with those God forsaken medal clips. Reach over and re-insert the paci one final time before unloading the ten pound diaper bag and getting myself in the car. I don’t know about you but I’m already tired and we haven’t even left the driveway. I knew it was going to be a rough trip when the baby starts crying before I even get up the car into reverse. I finally get to the store and park beside the carts of course. I load the toddler and then the crying baby into the buggy. Push them into the store and hurriedly search for wipes because I’m pretty sure the baby is crying because she’s pooped herself. I start mentally contemplating the steps that would be required to get her out of the car seat and both them and the buggy into the bathroom to get her changed. I quickly realized that was not going to happen. So I ran through checkout with her screaming and loaded them back into the car and headed back to prison, I mean my house.
So my change of scenery, which I was banking on wearing my toddler out, turned into a twenty-five minute fiasco. Which in turn led to the toddler screaming the entirety of my attempt to prepare dinner instead of napping. Thank God the baby finally caved and fell asleep because this mama had enough. I stood folded over the counter of dirty pots and pans and cried. I just can’t do it all, a humbling lesson God is teaching me over and over again through motherhood. I definitely can’t do it without Him.
Motherhood is exhausting in ways I never could have imagined. It is mentally, emotionally, physically and any other -ally we possess, draining. A simple, desperately needed by everyone, trip to target like the one mentioned earlier can quickly turn into your worst nightmare. Dinner can turn into a mental breakdown. Why is it so hard? Why is there so much guilt. Why don’t we have more arms? I’ll never know.
All I know is it’s the job you start that you never really finish. It is the hardest, most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. It is never what it seems and always more than I can handle. I’m always treading into unknown territory. It is my refining fire, showing me daily how much I need Jesus and how little like Him I am. All I can say is if you are a mom, you’re amazing and crazy! If you want to be a mom, do it. You won’t regret it. Just kidding, you might. Then you’ll feel guilty and go hug your kids while praying for forgiveness for the ten gillzillionth time today.
Prayer: Thank you God that kids are cute or else there might be a lot more of them on the side of the road. Also thank you that kids take naps, you knew what you were doing. Also thank you for grace, can you sprinkle a little extra on me tomorrow when I wake up to do it all again. Amen.
PS. Weary Mamas. I see you girl. Keep on keeping on. You’re amazing, even if your husband didn’t notice anything you did today. LOL.
ashleynicolemoore.com 